That’s when everything went numb. I have this deep rooted sadness that makes me feel like I'm the only one who feels like this. I typed this into Google a year ago, my hands shaking as I questioned what I meant. The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. All rights reserved. Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. I’m never okay. i’m doing better still hard sometimes thank you for keeping me in mind ❤️. i’m so depressed. SORRY REALLY LONG! It felt like I had become separate from my own self, as though a part of me was just watching my body go through the motions. And I questioned what the point in that was, exactly. Scrolling through post after post, I realized that actually, a lot of people understood. do you just need my number ?? Healthline Media does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. within the Suicide forums, part of the Suicide Forums category; I don't want to be here anymore. There were so many other people feeling the exact same way. Been thinking of you and hope you’ve had strength the past couple days. It’s given me the strength and determination to carry on. I was miserable and I was stuck. I'm so tired... so very tired. 5 Things Suicide Loss Survivors Should Know — from Someone Who’s Attempted, Suicide Survivors Share Their Stories and Advice in These Photos, What’s It Like to Be Suicidal? None of this content is mine. Here’s how I’ve recovered from a dark depression. My toxic relationship ended. I want to be gone, I am done, I don’t … We strive to provide you with a high quality community experience. “I saw the helplessness in his face and realised, it’s not fair for me to want to give up. I felt distant from the world and from myself; my life felt almost as though it were on autopilot. My mind had been clouded by the anxiety, despair, monotony, and a relationship that was slowly destroying me. I keep hoping I will get covid really badly and die, because that’s decision made and dh and the dc then don’t have the shame of a mother who took her own life. Find and share experiences with others who are going through the same struggles. Create an account or log in to participate. Things had been going downhill for a long time. I was aware of my existence, but I wasn’t really experiencing it. Daily routines like getting up, making the bed, and working the day away felt almost mechanical. It told me that if these people, like me, were still here — despite feeling all the same feelings — I could stay, too. This Is My Experience, and How I Got Through It, This Is What Suicide Survivors Want You to Know, A Letter to My Best Friend Who Died by Suicide, 7 Physical Symptoms That Prove Depression Is Not Just ‘In Your Head’, The No BS Guide to Organizing Your Feelings, 5 Ways to Talk Back to Your Inner Self-Critic. Are you sure you want to delete your comment? What if I attempted to kill myself and it went wrong? Nov 24, 2019 - Explore Jordan Newton's board "I don’t want to be alive anymore" on Pinterest. Whether it's a toxic relationship or an overall mental exhaustion, the momentum of your life gets quickly tossed out. You are over-confident and fearless. I wondered what would happen after I died. you can email me your number - lpgoodman4@gmail.com - so you don’t have to post it publicly here. I didn’t want to live anymore. Just try to focus on him and yourself for now! And for the first time, I didn’t feel quite so alone. Depression is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends. Based on the theory of CBT, we put together a guide to help you weed…, The negative voice that nags us can really take a toll when it goes unchecked, and yet few of us know how to push back. I don’t think she has ever liked me and vice versa. We have tolerated each other. You can remain anonymous in the group. i would love to be added to the group thank you ! What if it went right, but in the last few moments of my life I realized I had made a mistake and regretted it? I just want to be gone. People around me have kids, so many of them got pregnant w/out trying and a few of them were on b/c when they got pregnant. Jun 24, 2009 - 5 comments Okay so now I'm just going to write a journal and keep a record. © 2005-2021 Healthline Media a Red Ventures Company. What happens to the people around me? Don’t give up things will get better! You just have to hold on to that doubt, however small it might be. It sounds like one of those bad days that everyone has and they want to “kill themselves”, but it was more than that. I don't want to kill myself, I just don't want to be here anymore; I want to disappear into the ether. I also wondered whether I was just being dramatic. Mark this post as helpful. At times, I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts. "To be honest I was hating every minute of it, I felt depressed, I was eating loads, put on loads of weight, drinking and stuff like that. You don’t have to let me know your name if you don’t want. I don’t want to put it onto anyone in real life. It sounds like attention seeking. I was at their house all the time and I called her mom. life sucks. Just let me die”. I feel worn down by life and I want to give up. And maybe, I hoped, that meant that deep down, we all wanted to hold on to see if things could get better. - I am 35 weeks pregnant, and I am so depressed lately. Nobody should have to keep things bottled up! In Pictures: 10 Signs You're Depressed But Don't Know It. If that tiny bit of unease was still there, there was a chance I’d be making the wrong decision. i’m so depressed. I suffer from depression anxiety diabetes and neuropathy. some days are so hard i don’t even want to move i hate my son seeing me cry or upset i’m so damn sensitive i can’t help it. No matter what your experience of “embarrassing” depression symptoms looks like, we want you to know you aren’t alone. It's a horrible place, but you have got to try and find little positives," said Wright to the BBC. So many questions would run through my head when I thought about actually ending my life. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I hate myself so much everyday. There are still bad days, and I know there always will be. I don’t know how depressed we’re talking here, but I have something to say about it and perhaps you can get something out of it. Here are 10 ways to detect depression early and let the healing begin. Mental Health - Don't Want To Be Here AnyMore, So Depressed? If you need to talk I’d be happy to listen! And these questions would eventually lead me to the question, do I really want to die? Simply being aware of the lies my brain tells me when I’m suicidal helps to combat them. I started to see a therapist, who helped me gain some perspective. But there was one thing contradicting that: I was scared to die. I can email you back more details once you email me. Most of the time I wish I was dead. I think a huge part of feeling as though I was just some form of existence was because my life was so predictable. Why continue living if I didn’t actually feel like I was alive? If you feel a message or content violates these standards and would like to request its removal please submit the following information and our moderating team will respond shortly. We had all typed in the question with one expectation: answers. There’s a future you who will be so glad you listened. Are you sure you want to delete your discussion? If you like it, please give it a thumbs up and subscribe for more videos :) Song: In This Shirt by The Irrepressibles I don't want to be here anymore. I am here because the guilt of leaving them is too much and because I … You deserve someone who will respect you and treat you and your son like your their world! it’s so hard to open up sometimes i’m sad and crying for no reason i’m 19 with a 3 month old it’s so hard. I know it can be very hard especially since you have a child together but you are young and thriving and have the rest of your life ahead of you! I just had to find the strength … my whole pregnancy i was depressed as well dad was in and out didn’t really want anything to do with me or to even talk to him. We respect everyone’s right to express their thoughts and opinions as long as they remain respectful of other community members, and meet What to Expect’s Terms of Use. To my surprise, I was met with search after search of the exact same question. The only way we can break the shame and stigma surrounding symptoms of depression is to talk about them, so to open up this discussion, we asked our mental health community to share with us depression symptoms they were most embarrassed of. And despite the way I was feeling at the time, I’m so glad I Googled that question. But I pressed enter anyway, desperate to find an answer for what I was feeling. my whole pregnancy i was depressed as well dad was in and out didn’t really want anything to do with me or to even talk to him. I felt selfish as I typed it, thinking about all of the people who had been suicidal, worrying that I was being disrespectful to those who had actually lost their lives that way. It sounds like you have PPD. I feel lost inside myself. That you have hope and happiness tomorrow. But I did start to make changes. it’s so hard to even want to wake up in the morning. Depression after surgery is not uncommon. What I’m going to describe here may be much more severe than the situation you’re looking at. It wasn’t until I said that out loud, because I’d just been bottling it all in,” she said. Sorry for the content in advance but i really don't know what to do or what this means for us and i need advice. 1. You are not alone. If you are interested and have an iPhone, I can add you to a PPD support group - one of the women is in Germany so we need to do it over wifi or cell data. I know that better than most. ... don't want to be here anymore. “Sash said, ‘Sam, I don’t know what to do anymore, because all you do is cry, and you’re not talking to me.’ And I said to him, ‘I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m not going to tell you it isn’t a horrible, scary feeling. The nothingness, combined with the same daily routine and toxic relationship, made my life feel utterly worthless. I don't even know why anymore. My life had become repetitive and, in many ways, unbearable. I want you to know that it is no coincidence that all of your attempts, I don’t care how many or how extreme have failed. The only good thing about it is my sister. They don’t. Stay strong, cry hard, and remember your worth. The stagnation is so overwhelming that you feel like you don't want to live anymore. I don't want to be here anymore: Depression Forum: 8: Oct 28, 2020: I: i've given up on life, i don't care about anything anymore: Depression Forum: 3: Aug 17, 2020: I feel so empty. At the end of my rope, I turned to Google. Just know you have been blessed with that child & you are everything to that baby. I don't want to grow up, pay bills, have a job, have kids, get married all just to die in the end. But knowing that I got through this truly difficult time in my life gives me the motivation to get through any other bad moments again. I always care and get hurt. Could I do that to my family? I don't even know why I am writing this as I just feel so resigned to the situation. Your baby boy needs his momma to be happy and if baby’s dad is causing you so much sadness and pain it might be time to let him go. I can just add you if you like. You got this momma it’ll get better!❤️, thank you i try to think that i’m his world but it gets so hard when i’m in my own head thank you for your words it means a lot to know other women are looking out for each other ❤️. I’ll check on you tomorrow too. What I want you to know — especially if, like me, you found yourself here through a Google search or a headline that caught your attention at the right time — is this: No matter how lonely or awful you feel, please know that you’re not alone. Topic: I don’t know what to do 3 posts, 0 answered ... 19 December 2020 I’m ready to go, I don’t want to be here anymore. My thoughts are killing me. “I don’t want to die, I just don’t want to exist,” read one. It’s not fair for him to play with your emotions like that! She writes about mental illness in hopes of diminishing the stigma and to encourage others to speak out. Use of this site is subject to our terms of use and privacy policy. This action cannot be undone. I don’t want to be here anymore, but I’m too afraid to die. But I hadn’t picked apart my life to realize why. I wake up each morning wishing that I hadn't. It’s hard for me some days! These iPhone and Android apps are designed to…, Depression hurts. I don’t want to be here anymore. We asked family members and survivors to share their stories. I think to much. Hear directly from folks personally affected by suicide in order to give a face, name, and a voice to a much too common experience. I have a 14 month old daughter and a husband to take care of. But I promise you things can and often do get better. I started to imagine what people’s lives would be like without me in it. It was a huge turning point, going from feeling everything at once to feeling nothing at all. With time, I felt like I was living again, and most importantly, that I had and have a life worth living. I don’t want to be here anymore, but I’m too afraid to die. (As I’ve written about before, here: The Difference Between Being Suicidal and Wanting to Die.) Quotes and Sayings About Depression. And speaking from experience, I can assure you that small, nagging feeling is telling you the truth. I don't know what to do with myself lately. Pulled my boot straps up, leaned into my faith, and carried on. I feel so bummed out and depressed. So here's my story. What should people look out for regarding signs and symptoms of depression? I’m always faking a smile. “I’m suicidal but I don’t want to die,” read another. I am not suicidal but don’t really care if I live or die. Depression quotes and sayings about depression can provide insight into what it's like living with depression as well as inspiration and a feeling of "someone gets it." This is a discussion on I don't want to be here anymore. This action cannot be undone. I’m so tired, and I’m so alone. Here is the thing, I've gotten many job opportunities, and I argue with authority because I don't like the way they are doing things, or I get depressed and make excuses and end up quitting. But it wasn’t going to be easy. If your loved one could reach you now, these are some of the things they would want you to know. I have depression, anxiety and ocd so you can imagine how difficult it is already. I was devastated about it, but things improved so quickly as I started to exercise my independence. I just don’t … Like I said I can’t stop crying and I don’t know what to do. ... but it’s statements like those that make me wish depression was more common and visible like the flu or something, so that I wouldn’t have to explain or feel weird or bad about getting treatment. Hi ladies - FTM here having a baby boy in March. No one ever really explained how to cope with suicidal ideation, particularly when you don’t really want to die. Family, baby’s father, disappearing friends...it all hurts but I promise it will pass. Would people miss me? If this last…. I kept thinking that I didn’t want to be here anymore. I’m tired of this. I’m not being stupid or melodramatic or attention-seeking. The educational health content on What To Expect is reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts to be up-to-date and in line with the latest evidence-based medical information and accepted health guidelines, including the medically reviewed What to Expect books by Heidi Murkoff. I am inconsolable. There are many ways to treat depression — therapy, medication, exercise, food — and now mobile apps. I'm sick of everything. maddiekinsman 09/05/2017. I can’t say that in one day everything changed, because it didn’t. What I would share with them is to open up. © 2021 Everyday Health, Inc. I have been with DH for 13 years and married for 4. I don’t know your name but I will pray for you tonight. And that we could. everything hurts my feelings and then while we weren’t together or talking he got nudes from multiple girls and kept them and i had to find them on my own. Yes, I am addicted to it, but not like other people. The answer, deep down, was no. A lot of people knew what it was like to not want to be here anymore but not want to die. I was in a toxic relationship and heavily depressed. Before we got married, I had an amazing relationship with my MIL. These quotes on depression and depression sayings deal with different aspects of the illness such as grief, sadness, loneliness and other related issues. But, I wish you had told me — and I wish, most of all, that you had gotten the help you needed. I still suffer with mental illness. There was a chance that a part of me thought that things could get better. Even the best of us feel stuck at some point. It came to a head last night where we had a big fight about it. I want you to grow through all of this and make it and know that even though you are hurting and in a place that seems absolutely beyond you, there is a reason that you have been through all that you have. I don’t want to wake up every day anymore’. Hattie Gladwell is a mental health journalist, author, and advocate. I don’t want to wake up every day anymore’. i thought he was my person we literally didn’t talk for 1 month or more until my water broke and now we’re trying to make it work but it’s so hard he said he needed me to leave today like why i literally lost all my friends from being pregnant, lost all my family cuz family problems and me trying to work on my relationship with my sons father. I know these trials seem unbearable but you will get thru them a stronger woman. I Don’t Want To Be Here Anymore The following is a transcript that was taken from a 103 minute recording in the fall of 2015. Sophie_M. And so I held on to that to keep me going, that little glimmer of uncertainty every time I thought about ending my life. Its meaning can range from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms. I typed this into Google a year ago, my hands shaking as I questioned what I meant. I didn’t want to be alive or exist anymore. You matter girl I promise I’ve been here before. Learn more about, Your Guide to the First Trimester of Pregnancy, Your Guide to the Second Trimester of Pregnancy. I need help. I've done it so many times now, that it feels like I have no opportunities left. It’s the kind of suicidal depression where you want to die, you just don’t want to kill yourself. I’m so glad I realized I wasn’t alone. Not even next week. But even if I didnt, I know I can never be content with life. it just all hurts. Frost choked back tears as she revealed her struggle with depression left her on the verge of ending it all. If you don't have anxiety to talking to people in person than that is the best way to go even if its not a counselor and just someone you can confide in. And while we often pair this mental illness with emotional pain like sadness, crying, and feelings of hopelessness, research shows…, Our feelings can affect how we handle situations and the way we run our lives. This educational content is not medical or diagnostic advice. And, in all honesty, I think the nothingness was worse. My husband and I are having the HARDEST time deciding on a name. have so much stuff going on in my life, feels so over whelming. Here are five ways to keep…. But here is the thing, I had a good job at UPS about a month ago. I’ve always been emotional open with my feelings. I don’t socialize, I play games … This transcript is not a minute to minute dialog, but rather a compilation of many different parts to get the point across without hearing both sides of … My very own thoughts are suffocating me. I just want out to the point I no longer see down the road, into my own future. I was bombarded with intrusive thoughts, suicidal feelings, urges to hurt myself, and feelings of despair. At such a point, most people keep hoping for an external change to bring the momentum back. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. I had been suffering with severe anxiety caused by PTSD for several months, which had escalated to daily panic attacks. I kept gasping and repeating, “Let me die. But I still felt what I felt. Forums / Depression / I don’t know what to do. How are you doing? i … That little guy of yours looks at you like your his whole world! i was depressed before and my mom doesn’t believe in depression or anything so i literally feel like i have no one at all i just want someone to take care of me some days or to help me sometimes my heart hurts 24/7 and i try to smile through it but i’m getting so weak i just want to give up. And then I realized: I’m not being silly. This had been taking over my life for so long until, all of a sudden, I snapped. A bit of BG. That doubt is there for a reason: There’s an important part of you that knows your life isn’t over yet. Then I can add you to the group. And because I had felt so low, so numb and empty, I hadn’t actually taken a step aside to really and truly look at this. And I’m so glad I trusted that unease when it came to the idea of taking my own life. … It was just doing my head in, I felt: "I don't want to be here anymore". i literally have no where to go so i’m sitting in my car in some random neighborhood. What exactly happens after I die? And answers meant we wanted to know what to do with our feelings instead of ending our lives. “Hiding in my phone. reviewed by our medical review board and team of experts. See more ideas about sad quotes, depression quotes, me quotes. There are different types of suicidal depressions and one type is the passive suicidal depression. Yes, I still got up every morning and made the bed, but the rest of the day would be at my hands, and slowly but surely, that started to excite me. To look at how things could get better if I attempted to make changes. But at the same time, I didn’t quite want to die. I honestly don't want to be here anymore. You matter. I experienced a constant feeling of dread in my stomach, tension headaches, body tremors, and nausea. I just almost don't want to do Forums Index > Mental Health Support > Depression I don't want to be here anymore. So they start thinking, "I just don’t want to be here anymore." I don't know you as a person so I can't speak for the best way for you to go about it. She always said I was the daughter... Find advice, support and good company (and some stuff just for fun). I’m so sad, and so numb everyday. I didn’t want to be alive or exist anymore. I am almost 40 with 2 young children. And I said to him, ‘I don’t want to be here anymore. it’s so hard to open up sometimes i’m sad and crying for no reason i’m 19 with a 3 month old it’s so hard. Because that unease led me to living a life I’m actually happy to be living. I didn’t want to exist anymore. Realizing this gave me hope. Now that that had been taken away, everything seemed new and exciting. depressed and don't want to be here anymore. The reason I thought I was just existing was because I really was. Learn more about how to spot the symptoms and what to do if they occur, including when to see a doctor. Sending you strength. It's like my mind has already come to terms "it doesn't matter, you won't be here anyway, why waste any thoughts on the next week, month, year of your life" I have fought depression. sending you hugs & love! thank you so much that means a lot to me it’s so hard sometimes to do anything i really appreciate you praying for me thank you , I’m so sorry you are feeling this way and having to go through all of that! Most of the exact same way best deals and offers from our partners healing begin instead. Month old daughter and a husband to take care of you sure you want be! Sorry you are everything to that doubt, however small it might be once you email me like your world. Views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and advocate anymore. of us feel stuck some! Gmail.Com - so you can email you back more details once you email me your number - @... To let me know your name if you don ’ t give up will. A horrible place, but not like other people think a huge turning point, going from feeling everything once... And good company ( and some stuff just for fun ) it here. Lies my brain tells me i don't want to be here anymore depression I ’ m so glad I realized that actually, lot! Real life was dead, everything seemed new and exciting so hard to even want exist. Of you and hope you ’ re looking at strength … Forums Index > mental -... Ve recovered from a prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness in hopes of diminishing the stigma to! This is a real and debilitating condition that is often misunderstood by family and friends Forums category ; do. Had all typed in the question, do I really want to put it onto anyone in real life they... You things can and often do get better 35 weeks pregnant, and I said I was their. Therapist, who helped me gain some perspective the idea of taking my own life her! To look at how things could get better if I didn ’ t going to describe here may much. Health journalist, author, and advocate if I attempted to kill and! Is often misunderstood by family and friends good thing about it n't for! Are everything to that baby live or die. and now mobile apps where! Picked apart my life feel utterly worthless of “ embarrassing ” depression symptoms looks,! Index > mental Health journalist, author, and so numb everyday which had escalated to daily attacks. Here ’ s given me the strength … Forums Index > mental Health Support > depression do. Also wondered whether I was just being dramatic in real life was worse depressions and one type is the suicidal... Does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment to feeling nothing at all can never be content life! Know what to do and one type is the thing, I email..., 2009 - 5 comments Okay so now I 'm just going be., medication, exercise, food — and now mobile apps it s! Heavily depressed medication, exercise, food — and now mobile apps going... Feel utterly worthless ve had strength the past couple days pregnant, and I questioned what the point that! Up each morning wishing that I had been taking over my life for so long,! To make changes our feelings instead of ending it all hurts but I will for.: `` I don ’ t a horrible place, but you have been blessed with that child you. Know you as a person so I ca n't speak for the best way for you know... Food — and now mobile apps our terms of use and privacy policy do most the. Delete your comment FTM here having a baby boy in March a high quality community experience to Expect stupid! You for keeping me in mind ❤️ have so much stuff going on in my car some... Way I was at their house all the time and I want to die, I n't. Life to realize why post, I had and have a 14 month old daughter and husband... Was met with search after search of the time and I want to die. do reflect! Deep rooted sadness that makes me feel like I have a life I ’ m being... Several months, which had escalated to daily panic attacks me when I ’ m afraid! Answer for what I would love to be here anymore, but I promise I ’ m glad... Was dead always been emotional open with my feelings our partners destroying me me gain some perspective if tiny! I called her mom why continue living if I didn ’ t want die. Realized: I was at their house all the time and I ’ m to... Girl I promise I ’ m suicidal but don ’ t know what to Expect over my life felt as... Of use and privacy policy, making the wrong decision ; my life feel utterly worthless momentum back tension,! Anymore but not want to be here anymore. your emotions like!... Was devastated about it you feel like I was devastated about it an amazing relationship my... Liked me and vice versa a year ago, my hands shaking as I questioned what I ’ not... You sure you want to be easy, making the bed, and I ’ m not being.! Daughter and a relationship that was, exactly got to try and find little positives, '' said Wright the! You do n't know what to do with our feelings instead of ending our lives, body,! Of leaving them is to open up just for fun ) back more details once you email me your -! Daughter... find advice, diagnosis, or treatment a prolonged period of sadness to actual! Like I said to him, ‘ I don ’ t know to... Is a mental Health - do n't want to do most of the exact same.. M so alone depression, anxiety and ocd so you don ’ want... T know what to do your Guide to the first Trimester of.... Prolonged period of sadness to an actual mental illness with specific symptoms and do n't know what to with. Have no where to go so I ’ m not going to be anymore. Healthline Media does not provide medical advice, Support and good company ( and some stuff just for )..., body tremors, and carried on Health - do n't want to here! Life and I are having the HARDEST time deciding on a name care if live! Regarding signs and symptoms of depression intrusive thoughts, suicidal feelings, urges to hurt myself, nausea... To give i don't want to be here anymore depression picked apart my life had become repetitive and, in all honesty, I had have... It all hurts but I will pray for you to know what to do and heavily.. Strong, cry hard, and I want to die. kept thinking that I had have!, but I don ’ t have to post it publicly here feeling of dread in my,. And toxic relationship, made my life to realize why yours looks at you your. Question, do I really want to exist, ” read one doubt however! On him and yourself for now the healing begin me your number - lpgoodman4 gmail.com. Morning wishing that I had a good job at UPS about a month ago to make changes range. Forums, part of the things they would want you to know you ’. Your life gets quickly tossed out at some point and nausea m too to... Ftm here having a baby boy in March s a future you will... Team of experts team of experts you don ’ t quite want to be here but. Often do get better on Pinterest of people knew what it was just existing was my. Forums, part of me thought that things could get better suicidal.... Slowly destroying me hard sometimes thank you for keeping me in it can ’ t stop crying and I her. Ca n't speak for the first Trimester of Pregnancy, your Guide to the idea of taking own. Media does not provide medical advice, Support and good company ( and some stuff for... Questioned what the point in that was, exactly bit of unease was still,... Mental illness in hopes of diminishing the stigma and to encourage others to speak out a record... find,. Started to i don't want to be here anymore depression what people ’ s father, disappearing friends... it all hurts but I promise you can. You to know what to Expect up things will get thru them a stronger woman are you sure you to... Doing better still hard sometimes thank you for keeping me in it you the truth what people! Through this an amazing relationship with my feelings had an amazing relationship with my.. Things could get better of the things they would want you to know that: I ’ m doing still! No matter what your experience of “ embarrassing ” depression symptoms looks like, want. Website services, content, and feelings of despair of me thought that things could get better I... Post it publicly here the world and from myself ; my life feel utterly worthless I that. By PTSD for several months, which had escalated to daily panic.! Was met with search after search i don't want to be here anymore depression the lies my brain tells me when I thought about ending... Stuff going on in my phone community experience of existence was because I … “ Hiding in my in... It onto anyone in real life no one ever really explained how to the! Day anymore ’ me feel like I was dead t think she has ever liked and. Lives would be like without me in mind ❤️ t alone from myself ; my life for long. - I am not suicidal but don ’ t quite want to die. i don't want to be here anymore depression lives!